During lectures this week we looked into the differences between men and women and their roles in a relationship and then how that affects their role in society. The conclusion I have drawn from this week is that love at home is key to a functioning society.
“Love begins by taking care of the closest ones - the ones at home.” - Mother Teresa
In order to analyze the ideal home life, you have to look into the differences between the way men and women think.
Men value authority. Men need authority to function in society.
Women tend to let their emotions influence their decisions. Women are more likely to push boundaries and argue authority.
During a study in 2001, researchers from Harvard found that parts of the frontal lobe, responsible for problem-solving and decision-making, and the limbic cortex, responsible for regulating emotions, were larger in women. Where in men, the amygdala, which regulates sexual and social behavior, is larger.
Not to get into the science of it all, but it is interesting that the female brain and the male brain do in fact have significant differences.
Women have the tools to be successful manipulators. Not saying that men can’t, but women are more likely to fall into the sin of manipulation.
Women have a power over men when it comes to using their bodies to get what they want. In most cases, men look for lust and women look for love.
Lust is all about selfish gratification. So agreeing to have sex with a man is essentially saying, I will give you what you want so you will love me in return.
It will not work.
Love requires work. Men need to decide to value a woman. Jumping into bed right away is showing a man that he can get whatever he wants without having to give anything in return. Many women hope that by sleeping with a guy, he will fall in love with them.
Many women would deny this or say they are simply trying to meet their own needs but when it comes down to it, this is the route to many problems. Physical, physiological and spiritual.
It leaves both people feeling empty.
“Often women said things like, ‘I felt so flattered, so happy that he found me attractive. It was so nice to be wanted,’” said researcher Anne Campbell, a psychologist at Durham University in England. “What women don’t seem to see is that men drop their standards massively for a one-night stand.”
She added that no woman should be flattered because a man wants to have sex with her once.
In most cases, men care about self-gratification and will not love you if you have sex with them. A woman can’t manipulate a man into loving them. Sure there may be a rare occasion where a relationship starts but it is highly unlikely.
Respecting yourself is a good path to a healthy relationship.
The new hit TV show ‘Girls’ has inspired many women to speak out about this issue.
Readers of glamour.com were quizzed on dating and sex in their twenties.
Of the 3,600 readers questioned, 72 percent said they regret at least one person they dated in their twenties, while 77 percent wished they’d never had a one-night stand.
30 percent said they were ashamed to admit they’d slept with a stranger when drunk.
54 percent said they had unprotected sex and 12 percent said they caught an STI as a result. 61 percent of readers have either had an abortion or know someone who has.
The survey was written by Lena Durham, who stars as Hannah on ‘Girls.’
Many women believe they can change a man with the power of their love and make him into the person they want him to be.
A woman can’t change a man, as hard as they try or believe they can, they can’t. Going into a relationship with the intent to change a person will never work out the way you hope or expect. It’s something to be mindful of when pursuing someone.
Once in a relationship, the needs are different for both men and women.
A man is very aware of his inability to love and many women expect all the love they need to be received from a man.
This is a lie.
A man can’t give a woman all the love they need. A large part a woman’s emotional needs come from her girlfriends and family, while the rest comes from the man in her life.
Men aren’t actually capable of giving women all of the love they require and if a women tries to force it from them, it will only distance them.
Giving everything to someone and isolating yourself in a relationship is dangerous. It leads to lust and manipulation.
“The big thing we need to learn as women, is how to be beautiful to the world and shine, but not use that beauty to manipulate.”
Using manipulation in a relationship harms both yourself and the other person. Unfortunately it’s something many people struggle with, myself included.
“By wisdom a house is built,
and through understanding it is established;
through knowledge its rooms are filled, with rare and beautiful treasures.”
The men are the walls and the foundation of a relationship and the women are the beautiful treasures. They compliment each other and have different roles.
A healthy relationship will lead to a functional family, which will then lead to a functional society.
Studies show that premature sex prevents many people from having a good marriage and stable family life.
God lives in our bodies as temples of the Holy Spirit, sexual relations are not merely biological functions but two temples united in one Spirit.
1 Corinthians 6:19
Sex is very intimate and giving yourself away to anyone who wants you will not fulfill you. Finding your identity in God and waiting for a man who respects you, will fulfill you.
While many single parents are truly amazing, children from broken homes are more likely to be involved in crime, alcohol and drug abuse, as well as have a greater susceptibility to psychological disorders.
This is just a glimpse into some of the research I have been doing, so I hope it makes you think!
Remember that mistakes you have made in the past don’t define who you are. Today is the first day of the rest of your life.
Our speaker this week is our YWAM Base Director, Dave Neibling and a lot of these points are from his teaching.