living free

So for the past three weeks I have been struggling with getting bites all over my feet, legs and arms. Mosquitos are just crazy vicious here and they feel the need to destroy me, mainly my feet. The worst part is my feet have started to swell from the bites and it actually hurts to walk.

This pictures cracks me up. My feet are so funny looking.

Anyways, that’s not even the best part of the story. This morning we just learned that my roommate has bed bugs in her mattress. She has been waking up with nasty bites all over her arms. So yeah, after lots of research we have determined there are bed bugs in the room. So we are spending today figuring out what to do about that. 

Typical Sunday in Australia. 

So it has been so beautiful here in Brisbane. I’m not much of a complainer, but if I were a complainer, I don’t even think there is anything I could find to complain about! The sun is shining and the people I meet continue to rock my world.

On Saturday night a group of us went to Max Brenners, a restaurant in South Bank where everything served is chocolate! How cool is that? I got a chocolate, banana crepe and a cappuccino covered in chocolate. Pretty amazing.

On Sunday, we spent the day at the beach and met some interesting Kiwi guys. One of them told me he wants to travel to Canada to hit up Whister and Banff to snowboard. He said he wants to get away from the Aussies and I laughed. Banff has as many Aussies as Canadians. He was sad to here that.

After the beach we found a cute pancake house and enjoyed delicious food and coffee. I’m beginning to realize that my life here revolves around finding coffee shops. I love the atmosphere of being where the people are and I just love coffee, obviously. My friends here say that the only thing I talk about is coffee. Pretty sure my friends at home say the same thing actually. Anyways, coffee is great and vanilla lattes are my favorite incase you want to win my heart over. My favorite coffee shop in town is right by our base and it’s called the Taverner. I come here to write, read and just chill out.

So this week is Lordship week. The term “Lordship” freaked me out a bit because it sounds intimidating, but what it really means is to make Jesus Lord of your life in all that you do. Easy enough? HAH not really.

If you want God to speak to you, just ask him all of the things in your life that you put before him.

Luke 14:26 says If anyone comes to me and does not hate his father and mother, his wife and children, his brothers and sisters and yes, even his own life-he cannot be my disciple.

This is such a scary verse. I don’t want to hate my family and I think most people can agree with that.

I think when Jesus said this, he didn’t mean that you actually have to hate your family, hate is just the best word to describe the contrast of how much more you should love Him than anything else in this world.

Sean Naus, from the Sunshine Coast is our speaker this week and he is really making me think about what it actually means to follow Jesus.

Being a Christian has become a prayer that we say that will get us into heaven. It’s like it doesn’t matter how we live our lives, it just matters that we have this assurance of going to heaven.

It’s easy to accept Christ in a time of need, when your emotions are high, but it’s hard to commit your life to being a disciple for Jesus.

It’s a long process because we idolize these worldly religions and it’s toxic.

Like is being rich actually the most important thing in life?

No. I’m beginning to realize that the true measure of wealth is not how much you have, but how much you give. This is hard for me to accept because I am a selfish person and I struggle with greed, but I know God is the truth.

We are living in a society where everybody wants to be God. The highest salary, the nicest car, the most talented children…the list goes on, but that’s not happiness. Those things may result in temporary happiness but that’s not where true joy comes from.

Giving your life to Jesus sucks at first because it’s all about sacrifice and laying things down.

For me, being on the other side of the world from everything I know has given me the opportunity to really evaluate my soul and my true intentions in life.

Like, what do I really want out of life? What motivates me? What do I truly love to do? What am I passionate about?

This all leads to my career and what I see myself doing with my life.

So, what is the real reason I want to be a news reporter? Well I thrive in the fast paced environment of news and nothing beats the feeling of achievement after a busy day. I love waking up each day not knowing what stories will unfold. Then when stories do arise, I love the rush of being the first station to cover it.

But then here’s the thing that’s hard to admit, I also think a huge part of my heart desires the fame and just being known. The desire should always be to make God known.

Recognizing the selfish desires is the first step, overcoming them is the second.

The thing is, it’s not like I am going through this now and then it’s all done.

The Christian life is a constant process of checking yourself and checking your intentions. Am I doing this to glorify God, or myself? Am I covering this story so people recognize what I am doing, or so they can see God’s light in the way I speak and do things? It even comes down to things like, am I picking up this garbage so people will thank me, or because I truly love this community and want to bless the people in it?

We idolize things in this world that are worthless. We idolize other people and what we think life should look like, what we think we should look like.

It’s all about switching our paradigm from ourselves to Christ.

We worry that the Christian life means sitting in church every Sunday, listening to a boring old man preach and then following a bunch of rules.

The “church” we have today doesn’t even exist in the Bible. Church is the body of Christ.

I’ve had the things of the world and I’ve tried to find my identity through the selfish ways of life and although it can bring a temporary high, it isn’t satisfying. Jesus is satisfying.

The scary thing is that you can still do ministry on your own agenda. You can be involved in the church your whole life and still be doing everything for the recognition of others. Missing the point.

Some of the most “godly” people don’t even know God.

Don’t be that guy who goes to church and says big fancy prayers, but doesn’t even know who Jesus is.

The huge thing I’m learning is to be real with God.

Tell him where you’re at. You can say fancy prayers, but if they are just to impress people they mean nothing.

Be real with God.

Cry. Yell. Swear. Be pissed off at God.

If something happens that sucks, be angry!

God just wants honesty and intimacy.

Living for Jesus is hard. Surrendering your life sucks. But witnessing miracles, and salvation and just watching God work through us, that makes it worth it.

Now we just have to give our lives to him, be obedient and trust that his plan is greater than any plan we could have for ourselves.

I truly believe that God will touch thousands of people through my life if I am truly devoted to him.

“The most real things are unseen, and what is seen is created by the unseen.”

This week we had lectures on the Holy Spirit and I think the majority of us were mind blown. The Word of the Lord and the power of the Holy Spirit are way more powerful than I can comprehend.

Our lecturer this week, Chis Twinn, is an amazing speaker, making it an extremely thought-provoking week.

It was fascinating learning the differences between the spiritual realm and the physical realm and how it affects our lives.

I’ve always found it challenging to understand spiritual realities, therefore lacking faith that God is real. I think a lot of people can relate to the fact it’s a pretty hard concept to grasp.

However, this week I had the revelation that the spirit world is just as real as any physical thing we can perceive using our five senses.

The spiritual realm is where everything originates. The things we can perceive with our senses will change and pass away with time, where spiritual realities are eternal.

Spiritual reality is based on Truth, meaning what God said.

Granted, the supernatural isn’t an easy thing for the carnal mind to understand.

“The spirit realm calls for faith and an acceptance of God’s unfailing ability.”

His ways are higher than our ways and His thoughts are higher than our thoughts (Isaiah 55:9).

I started reading a book called Activating the Gifts of the Holy Spirit by David Ireland and he helped me understand how exactly unbelief came to be. In our world today.

Ireland says the result of our materialistic worldview is philosophical skepticism (believing there is no God or supernatural.).

This doesn’t only apply to non-believers, many conservative Christians believe that miracles don’t happen in the world we live in and that all gifts of the Spirit ended at the death of the apostles.

It’s not only sad, but it’s not biblical. The Bible makes it clear that Jesus left the Holy Spirit to help us to bring The Kingdom of the Heaven to earth. Meaning the power to prophesize, speak in tongues and heal people.

We are letting circumstances and the physical things of the world get in the way of our faith in the Word, which is dangerous.

We need to understand the authority we have in the Truth and how to walk out in it. And in order to fully function in the Holy Spirit we can’t be confused about where God works and where Satan works.

The devil uses the physics of the world to function. We must use the opposite, which means having faith in the spiritual realm and the power of God.

The weapons we fight with are not the weapons of the world. On the contrary, they have divine power to demolish strongholds (2 Corinthians 10:4).

Satan only has power in the physical realm, so he can only manipulate our thoughts and our behavior. He has no authority over our spirit and he doesn’t have the ability to read minds. Satan isn’t omnipresent like God is, meaning because we have the Holy Spirit, we have all the power.

So I say, live by the Spirit and you will not gratify the desires of the sinful nature (Galatians 5:16).

We must renew our minds in actual the truth (God’s Word), and not what we perceive to be the truth. We can’t put circumstances or the physical things in life over what the Bible says.

Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what Gods will is-his good, pleasing and perfect will (Romans 12:2).

We have to trust in the power of God and believe we can do the miraculous through the Holy Spirit. We need to rid our brains of all of the doubt we have because of what the world says. James 4:7 says resist the devil and he will flee from you.

Renew your mind.

Christians need to evaluate whether or not what they believe is cultural or biblical.

Biblical Christianity is a personal relationship with Jesus Christ, based on faith (John 17:20-26; Romans 8:37-39).

Cultural Christianity is a religion based on humanist logic, “feel good” experiences, and popular interpretations of Scriptures.

Christianity is not a religion and it isn’t about getting close to God through good works.  Christianity is about having a relationship with God and faith in Jesus Christ who has revealed Himself in His Word and by His Spirit (John 14:6).

A lot of churches have become so caught up in structure and the ways of the world that they don’t take the time to seek God.

It’s worth thinking about! I know my world has been changed!

xoxo

The past three weeks have been challenging but absolutely incredible.  We have been sleeping on floors and keeping showering to the minimum to say the least.

The first week in Toowoomba we volunteered at Easterfest, which means we experienced long and hard workdays, flooding tents and exhaustion. Although it was hard work, we were able to go to shows, dance all night and make amazing relationships. Not to mention non-stop laughter and memories I will never forget…I’m really starting to love my new family.

Last week we stayed in Byron Bay and it was beautiful. It’s very relaxed with a unique hippie culture. Needless to say, the beach is stunning. I was able to go for early morning runs and watch the sunrise over the water. What a peaceful way to start the day!

The big thing I have been learning over the past three weeks is how to step out in faith. This means not only knowing God can do something but also believing he will do something.

Healing has been on my heart since our first night in Toowoomba. We went to a worship night where we watched a few people get healed from different sicknesses and injuries. It was so encouraging to actually see the Holy Spirit heal, as opposed to just hearing or reading about it.

Afterwards we walked through this thing called a “fire wall” where people pray and prophesies over you. It was unreal because everything that was spoken over me was either true or something someone had told me before. A common theme was that I have authority and a voice people will listen to. One girl also heard God say I’m going to heal.

God can use anybody’s hands to heal; I know that, I just never thought it was something I was going to do in my life.

In Byron Bay we spent a lot of time praying for our lecturer, Kevin, because he has Retinitis Pigmentosa, which means his eyesight is deteriorating. He has been praying for healing for a long time but still hasn’t received it. It’s hard to understand why sometimes God will heal and sometimes he won’t.

I believe God is using Kevin’s experience to teach all of us about stepping out in faith, waiting on God’s timing and trusting that he knows best. As hard as it may be!!

One night it got crazy while we prayed for Kevin. We were all laughing looking back on it because if anyone would have walked into the room we would have looked insane. We were dancing around, crying and having crazy visions. God even told a number of people that we should rub dirt onto Kevin’s eyes and then blow it off as a symbol of taking away his blindness.

There was one point that night where the Holy Spirit took control of my body and I felt the need to grab that microphone and just start yelling into it. This has never happened to me before. It was heavy on my heart that there were people in the room who didn’t believe God would heal Kevin.  My heart started pounding and I couldn’t help but to start commanding that all doubt leave the room. I don’t even remember what I said because it was the Spirit using me to get His message out.

The entire experience taught us all so much about hearing the voice of God and obeying it.

Later in the week we went to Nimbin, which is the drug capital of Australia. I didn’t really expect it to be so “in your face” but wow. Every menu had food options with pot and I’m pretty sure you can just smoke up in restaurants as well.  I can’t even count how many times I was offered baked goods! It was a crazy little town with so much character.

We were able to get interviews for our documentary and it was so interesting learning about all the different beliefs in the area! We found that the hippies love the earth and are very passionate about saving it. The town is even run on solar power, it really is amazing.

However, with all of the addiction it is a very sad place to be. I find that a lot of people say they are happy and at peace, but really have emptiness in their hearts. It’s hard to see a place where so many people rely on drugs and alcohol to function throughout the day.

We were able to teach so many people about Jesus and how he can fulfill your soul. Heaps of people believe in the Holy Spirit so it was easy to just explain to them how the Spirit came to be. It was so encouraging to see the impact we had on so many lost souls.

People were healed and came to Christ that day. Wow right?!

It was amazing to see all the ways God spoke to our group. He gave us names and visions of people he wanted us to talk to and it was amazing to actually meet the people he showed us beforehand.

There are so many people so ready to receive God’s love, we just have to be willing to step out in faith and share it.

One night a bunch of us actually started a huge dance party on the main street in Byron Bay. Everyone came out to dance to the live music and it was such a good time! I was able to grab the microphone and proclaim God’s love over the street and it was surreal. We prayed for people afterwards and they thanked us for bringing peace. Several even came to know Jesus.

I’ve always been good at loving people and talking to people so the big thing I have been learning is stepping out in the supernatural. This means actually praying for healings and taking radical steps of faith.

I can’t get over how crazy God is. He is so real, so good and his love is never ending.

I will testify to it over and over and over again. 

“Sometimes finding the light means passing through the deepest darkness.”

In order to truly be close to God and hear His voice more clearly, I’ve had to lay down everything that matters to me in my life.

I’ve always held my plans for my future very close to my heart, only letting God into certain areas of my life. God convicted me of not following His plan for me, but instead striving to be a successful broadcaster on my own, without his strength or input.

God also convicted me of loving my family, friends and possessions more than Him. These are the things I hold onto so tightly and struggle surrendering to God.

Over the past few weeks I have had to come to place in my heart where I can truly say, “God, if you take everything away from me, I will still praise Your Name because I trust you.”

That’s a hard thing to do. Surrendering everything to God was a tearful process, but it was so freeing. Giving up the control I have over my own life and releasing it to Him takes all of the pressure off the decisions I have to make every single day.

It’s freedom.

I’m not saying that God wants to take all of those things away from me, because He doesn’t, but surrendering them to Him just means that He will bless them even more down the road.

Laying down my life for The Lord means I am learning to hear His voice more and more clearly each day. He is constantly revealing things to me about what He wants to see in my life and how He wants to see me grow. It is so cool. I can’t even explain it. It’s crazy looking back in my journal and just seeing all of the prayers He has answered.

SO, what we’ve been up to:

My classmate, Davin and I are working on a documentary called “Kingdom Seekers.”  We started the journey by just going out and asking random people on the street about their thoughts on life. I started just talking to everyday people about different topics, like their purpose in life, their view on religion and even where they think they will go when they die.

We have been going out to lots of different locations and have met some really fascinating people. I could tell story after story about the people we’ve encountered and how God has used them to bless our documentary.  One of the men we met even offered us an all paid trip to Papua New Guinea to shoot an event at the end of August. Just because God is that good.

Throughout the process so far, we have come to the conclusion that most people don’t know what they believe. Many people have some sort of idea, like they believe in God, but don’t follow him or they believe in science, but can’t actually explain what the “Big Bang” theory is.  It’s a lot of confusion.

Everybody wants to believe in something but they just can’t quite figure it out. This generation is very, wishy-washy, for lack of a better term.

We plan to continue to talk to people of with all types of beliefs and show how regardless of what you believe or think you believe, it all comes back to Christ. In order to do this we are going to continue to talk to people and dig deep.

I have always believed that there is nothing more powerful than someone’s story.

So then, what’s next:

On Tuesday we head over to Toowoomba for a week to help out at a music festival called Easterfest. We will camp out there and do and do anything we can to serve, while enjoying the concerts as well!

The following week, we head to the beautiful Byron Bay!  I can’t wait finally go because I have heard nothing but amazing things about Byron. Apparently it’s a very relaxed beach town with the lots of hippies, sun and surfing. Love it! We hope to get lots of cool interviews for our documentary while we explore the town. Apparently the culture is vey free and many people are open to discuss their beliefs.

One of our staff was telling me that they set up a “Healing Booth” in Byron Bay last year and saw many people come through and actually get healed from physical and mental illnesses, solely through the power of the Holy Spirit.

Healing people definitely takes a leap of faith…and I know that if you step out in Jesus he will do amazing things through the power of your hands. I definitively want to see some healing take place! What is cooler than watching someone’s broken leg heal right before your eyes? Not a lot.

So that means we will be on the road for the next bit! I can’t wait to see what God has in store for this time. I can only imagine it will be beyond my wildest expectations. The cool thing about God is He does bigger and better things through you than you could ever do on your own. Learning to put all of my trust into Him has made all of the difference in the joy I feel day to day.

God is just so good!! I will testify to it again and again and again.

I always thought the Christian life was a bit boring, but it is far from boring. God is doing the craziest things around me every day and I just can’t stop talking about it!

Step out in faith and you will not believe what happens. 

During lectures this week we looked into the differences between men and women and their roles in a relationship and then how that affects their role in society. The conclusion I have drawn from this week is that love at home is key to a functioning society.

“Love begins by taking care of the closest ones - the ones at home.” - Mother Teresa

In order to analyze the ideal home life, you have to look into the differences between the way men and women think.

Men value authority. Men need authority to function in society.

Women tend to let their emotions influence their decisions. Women are more likely to push boundaries and argue authority.

During a study in 2001, researchers from Harvard found that parts of the frontal lobe, responsible for problem-solving and decision-making, and the limbic cortex, responsible for regulating emotions, were larger in women. Where in men, the amygdala, which regulates sexual and social behavior, is larger.

Not to get into the science of it all, but it is interesting that the female brain and the male brain do in fact have significant differences.

Women have the tools to be successful manipulators. Not saying that men can’t, but women are more likely to fall into the sin of manipulation.

Women have a power over men when it comes to using their bodies to get what they want. In most cases, men look for lust and women look for love. 

Lust is all about selfish gratification. So agreeing to have sex with a man is essentially saying, I will give you what you want so you will love me in return.

Manipulation.

It will not work.

Love requires work. Men need to decide to value a woman. Jumping into bed right away is showing a man that he can get whatever he wants without having to give anything in return.  Many women hope that by sleeping with a guy, he will fall in love with them.

Many women would deny this or say they are simply trying to meet their own needs but when it comes down to it, this is the route to many problems. Physical, physiological and spiritual.

It leaves both people feeling empty.

“Often women said things like, ‘I felt so flattered, so happy that he found me attractive. It was so nice to be wanted,’” said researcher Anne Campbell, a psychologist at Durham University in England. “What women don’t seem to see is that men drop their standards massively for a one-night stand.”

She added that no woman should be flattered because a man wants to have sex with her once.

In most cases, men care about self-gratification and will not love you if you have sex with them. A woman can’t manipulate a man into loving them. Sure there may be a rare occasion where a relationship starts but it is highly unlikely.

Respecting yourself is a good path to a healthy relationship.

The new hit TV show ‘Girls’ has inspired many women to speak out about this issue.

Readers of glamour.com were quizzed on dating and sex in their twenties. 

Of the 3,600 readers questioned, 72 percent said they regret at least one person they dated in their twenties, while 77 percent wished they’d never had a one-night stand.

30 percent said they were ashamed to admit they’d slept with a stranger when drunk.

54 percent said they had unprotected sex and 12 percent said they caught an STI as a result. 61 percent of readers have either had an abortion or know someone who has.

The survey was written by Lena Durham, who stars as Hannah on ‘Girls.’

Many women believe they can change a man with the power of their love and make him into the person they want him to be.

A woman can’t change a man, as hard as they try or believe they can, they can’t. Going into a relationship with the intent to change a person will never work out the way you hope or expect. It’s something to be mindful of when pursuing someone.

Once in a relationship, the needs are different for both men and women.

A man is very aware of his inability to love and many women expect all the love they need to be received from a man.

This is a lie.

A man can’t give a woman all the love they need. A large part a woman’s emotional needs come from her girlfriends and family, while the rest comes from the man in her life.

Men aren’t actually capable of giving women all of the love they require and if a women tries to force it from them, it will only distance them.

Giving everything to someone and isolating yourself in a relationship is dangerous. It leads to lust and manipulation.

“The big thing we need to learn as women, is how to be beautiful to the world and shine, but not use that beauty to manipulate.”

Using manipulation in a relationship harms both yourself and the other person. Unfortunately it’s something many people struggle with, myself included.

“By wisdom a house is built,
and through understanding it is established;

through knowledge its rooms are filled, with rare and beautiful treasures.”

Proverbs 24

The men are the walls and the foundation of a relationship and the women are the beautiful treasures. They compliment each other and have different roles.

A healthy relationship will lead to a functional family, which will then lead to a functional society.

Studies show that premature sex prevents many people from having a good marriage and stable family life.

God lives in our bodies as temples of the Holy Spirit, sexual relations are not merely biological functions but two temples united in one Spirit.

1 Corinthians 6:19

Sex is very intimate and giving yourself away to anyone who wants you will not fulfill you. Finding your identity in God and waiting for a man who respects you, will fulfill you.

While many single parents are truly amazing, children from broken homes are more likely to be involved in crime, alcohol and drug abuse, as well as have a greater susceptibility to psychological disorders.

This is just a glimpse into some of the research I have been doing, so I hope it makes you think!

Remember that mistakes you have made in the past don’t define who you are. Today is the first day of the rest of your life.

 References:

Our speaker this week is our YWAM Base Director, Dave Neibling and a lot of these points are from his teaching.

http://www.presentationministries.com/brochures/BibleOnSex.asp

http://www.indianexpress.com/news/drunken-sex-with-strangers-among-regrets-of-20something-women/1069706

http://science.howstuffworks.com/life/men-women-different-brains1.htm 

http://www.catholiceducation.org/articles/sexuality/se0004.html

This is for every person out there who has spent their life comparing them self to others.

This for every person who feels like they aren’t good enough.

This is for every person who doesn’t know who they are.

Identity.

I never realized how much I struggled with identity until this past week. I have always compared myself to others and I thought that’s just how everyone was. I thought envying other people was normal. Funny right?

I have always wished I was prettier, skinnier, smarter, funnier, a better writer, more creative, a better public speaker….the list goes on, believe me.

Throughout my life people have told me that I am a lot of things. Good and bad. There are also decisions I have made in the past that I have felt make up a huge part of who I am.

Now I’m learning that every negative word that has been spoken over me, every bad decision I have made and every time I’ve felt like I’m not good enough, it has all been lies.

Identity is something that everybody struggles with.

It’s true that your history makes you who you are, so claim it. Own up to your past and the mistakes you have made. It makes you who you are, but remember that it doesn’t define you. You don’t have to be proud of it, but you have to accept it. Nobody has to feel ashamed or unworthy. God has forgiven us for our sins. Jesus died for us because he thinks we are worth it.

Don’t let Satan tell you that you aren’t good enough. Don’t hate your name.  Don’t hate your past. Don’t hate where you come from.

It doesn’t define you.

No excuses. No shame. No doubt.

By real. Be you. You were made in God’s image and you are BEAUTIFUL.

You are not your story and you are not the life you have lived up to this point. Focus on how your past has shaped you into the person you are today and then grow from there.

Don’t carry the labels with you.

Boring

Loser

Ugly

Fat

Stupid

Poor

Insecure

Slut

Dependent

Afraid

Criminal

Unworthy

Insignificant

Not good enough.

Whatever they may be, how is carrying those labels around with you healthy?

I have always had a problem with attaching my identity to men. Attention from guys is a big part of how I have evaluated how worthy I am as a person. A lot of that is being young and insecure and a lot of that is just the enemy trying to tell me I can’t be happy by myself.

NO GIRL NEEDS A MAN TO DEFINE HER.

It has been hard for me to accept that, but releasing that to the Lord has been the most freeing moment of my life.

He can have my life and He can have my heart.

I give Him all my insecurities so I don’t have to walk around with them every day.

Be vulnerable. Be real. Step out of your comfort zone.

Remember that God is gentle and never forceful. We will get what our hearts are open to receive.

Do the hard work of the soul to discover yourself and may this allow you to be comfortable in your own skin.

“Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.”

Romans 12:2

Just ask yourself, why have I tried so hard to be somebody else?

I’m not used to writing personal blog entries. I usually like to write about light-hearted things, like The Bachelor. HAHA. But anyways, God has laid it on my heart to share what he has been doing in my life over the past week.

I would never be able to say any of this. This is God talking.

To me, being a Christian has always been about reading the Bible, going to church on Sundays, praying on occasion and then living the rest of my life however my heart desires. I think a lot of people can relate to that.

I was raised in the most loving family, with everything I needed and more. In a comfortable environment it was hard for me to feel like I needed God because I always thought I was fine on my own.

 So God called me to the desert.

As many of you know, I am in Brisbane, Australia for the next few months with YWAM (Youth With a Mission) taking the Film Track. There is four months of school here in Australia and then for the last two months we jump on a plane and head somewhere else in the world to put everything we have learned to use. So for me, this means making a documentary and sharing amazing stories with the world. 

I don’t even know where to start with my experience over the past couple weeks. My world has been completely rocked. It’s been strange and challenging, but mostly uncomfortable to be brutally honest.

The first few days I thought; ‘these Christians are crazy. Why am I here? These people are actually nuts. When can I book a flight home? Why are Godly people so weird? I don’t need God. I am fine!’

I didn’t come here to be uncomfortable and change who I am. I came to Australia to see more of the world, have some crazy adventures and to learn more about film, specifically documentaries.

I knew YWAM was a Christian organization but I didn’t really realize the extent of how spiritual the process would actually be. I thought my main focus would be studying film and learning about the art of making documentaries. Although I am working on a documentary that has been AMAZING so far, I feel like there is something else I need to blog about.

 Here it goes!

I guess you can say I’ve always been more of a “Sunday Christian.” I have always believed in God, but didn’t necessarily live out my beliefs in my day-to-day life.  I’ve always had a lot of doubt in God. I believe every word of the Bible, but actually trying to comprehend that there is this all knowing God out there who can speak to me and who knows everything about me, is a little bit hard.

I have always admired Christians, but growing up I found a lot of Christian people a bit nuts.  I liked the idea of God and all the values that came along with being a Christian, but I didn’t necessarily have a desire to throw my hands up in the air and worship him with my entire being.

Not to say I’ve never felt God or experienced His grace, I’ve just never been completely sold on the idea. I have always been content with my life and my ability to live it on my own.

This week has completely terrified me. Every insecurity, lie, bad relationship or negative part about me was just laid down in front of me and I had to face it. I had to face everything in my life that I have wanted to forget.

On top of crying every five minutes and trying to figure out what is going on inside of me, I have had to deal with crazy Christian people prophesying over me, cursing demons and speaking in tongues. WEIRD? I have seen things most people don’t just see in their normal Christian life. It has been TERRIFYING for me.

I have lived in a bubble my entire life where I have thought, ‘oh I believe in God and my life is great and I’m great and everything is perfect.’

I was so blind. I was comfortable, but so blind.

God called me to a place where I have nothing else except for him. I don’t have my friends, my family or my own bathroom. I don’t have a vehicle or my dogs or the comfort I have at home. I am on the other side of the world and living with crazy people.

In Deuteronomy 1:1-4 it says that God takes people to the desert to have their journey with him so that they will learn to rely on Him. He says this journey is intended to humble us and test us in order to show us what’s in our hearts.

YWAM Brisbane has become my desert. And the thing about the desert is what you did before your desert experience, or how you lived your life, never works again.

God does something in you and then he does it through you.

Jesus said that one we love one another, the world will believe. Meaning in order to impact the world, we need to love one another. This revelation has been huge for me.

A lot of the western society has made being a Christian everything it isn’t supposed to be.

Being a Christian is not about following rules and then judging others for making bad choices. It isn’t about looking down on “sinners” and making them feel unworthy.  

As people who claim to be Christians, we put a lot of focus on ourselves. Christians tend to be very selfish people in their relationships with God. It’s all about asking for things we want and only pursuing God so we can have a good future. It’s very little actually listening to God and what he wants for our lives. I’ve learned that I’ve had a one sided relationship with God. I’m always praying and asking for things, but never listening to His response.

It’s about a personal relationship with God. It’s about knowing how to be alone with God and in that, loving others. It’s not about following rules and putting on a show. It’s about loving people and loving yourself.

LOVE!

The Bible says very little about salvation and rules and it says a lot about being a disciple for The Lord. God wants us to love people.

As overwhelmed as I have been dealing with my past, I have come to realize if I just love people like Jesus did, I will be a happy person.

“Remember not the sins of my youth and my rebellious ways; according to your love remember me, for you are good, O Lord.” - Psalm 25:7

God loves people who hate him just as much as he loves people who love him.

God will not disown us for choosing to follow our own path. However if we do choose that route, we will never be completely fulfilled and happy.

That’s just the truth of it.

I’ve always struggled with the fact that other people are happy without having Jesus in their lives. I was happy in my life without Jesus. I never felt like I needed more of him, my life has always been just been about me and truthfully that has been just fine. But being here I have realized I need more and even better yet, I can have more.

I can live the rest of my life being at peace with EVERY moment.

I never thought I needed a faith, but then I came here and I can’t help but think differently now.

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Australia is a beautiful country and I am happy to say I have made special relationships with these crazy people. I can’t wait to see what is in store for these next few months.